The Success Sequence

SchoolJobMarriageChildren

There is a natural sequence in life that will help work toward your success. It is summed up with four words: School, Job, Marriage, and Children (in that order). In other words, if you finish your schooling (or at least high school), then secure a job, then get married, and then have children, your probability of economic success is high. But if you live “out of sequence” in any way (i.e. having children before marriage) financial hardship will be more likely.

I have observed this for many years. I have seen many of those who have lived their lives “out of sequence,” struggle greatly financially. Life is hard as a single mother. Life is hard when you return to school with a family. Life is hard when your education level limits your employment opportunities. Furthermore, such a sequence is fully consistent with biblical teaching.

While I have known this for many years, I have recently heard of some studies that have confirmed this through research. For instance, in a recent report by the American Enterprise Institute (http://aei.org) and the Institute for Family Studies (https://ifstudies.org/), Wendy Wang and W. Bradford Wilcox summarize their findings:

Finally, 97% of Millennials who follow what has been called the “success sequence”—that is, who get at least a high school degree, work, and then marry before having any children, in that order—are not poor by the time they reach their prime young adult years (ages 28-34). … In contrast, 53% of young adults who did not follow this sequence at all are in poverty” (https://www.aei.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/IFS-MillennialSuccessSequence-Final.pdf).

Opponents of these studies have rightly pointed out that the above study has demonstrated correlation, rather than causation. In other words, just because the vast majority of those who followed this sequence escape poverty, it doesn’t follow that this sequence caused the economic prosperity. They are quick to point out that there are other factors at work, such as family support and economic status of parents, which make it is easier for young people to follow this sequence. It may be, they argue, that the other factors are stronger correlations to financial success.

Whatever the cause, it would be foolish to ignore the correlation. So I encourage you to teach your children these four words: School, Job, Marriage and Children. Ingrain the success sequence into their hearts. If they follow your counsel, they will be on the path to prosperity.

 

Learning the Bible

DiscipleshipTools

I am continually amazed at how well the above items do in teaching the Bible to our children. Our two youngest children use these three items every night as they fall asleep. And they have come to know the stories of the Bible very well, even at a young age.

The first item is a DVD filled with 450 dramatized stories of the Bible. Each story is about 6-9 minutes long. All in, there are more than 56 hours of Bible stories. The cost is $49 delivered to your home. You can purchase it here.

The second item is a Sansa Clip mp3 player. We have placed all of the Bible stories on the mp3 DVD onto the Sansa Clip. Each night, we begin playing one of the stories and put this on sleep mode, so it turns off in 30 minutes. The mp3 player that we like costs about $40. You can purchase it here.

The third item is a pair of speakers. This allows the mp3 player to be heard in their bedrooms without ear buds. I remember picking up some at Walmart for less than $10. If you want to purchase it online, you can here. Or, you could use some old computer speakers that you have.

So, for less than $100, you can give your children a robust knowledge of the Bible. Be warned, they may soon become more familiar with the stories of the Bible than you are. If your children are older (or you have no children at home), you can always use these yourselves to learn the Bible.

The Gift of the Magi

My post today is a bit longer than usual, but it is worthy of taking 5 minutes and reading it. It’s a Christmas tale told by O. Henry, which is able to be told at any time. It teaches a good lesson regarding true, sacrificial love in marriage.

THE GIFT OF THE MAGI
BY
O. HENRY

ONE dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it was in pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the grocer and the vegetable man and the butcher until one’s cheeks burned with the silent imputation of parsimony that such close dealing implied. Three times Della counted it. One dollar and eighty-seven cents. And the next day would be Christmas.

There was clearly nothing to do but flop down on the shabby little couch and howl. So Della did it. Which instigates the moral reflection that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.

While the mistress of the home is gradually subsiding from the first stage to the second, take a look at the home. A furnished flat at $8 per week. It did not exactly beggar description, but it certainly had that word on the lookout for the mendicancy squad.

In the vestibule below was a letter-box into which no letter would go, and an electric button from which no mortal finger could coax a ring. Also appertaining thereunto was a card bearing the name “Mr. James Dillingham Young.”

The “Dillingham” had been flung to the breeze during a former period of prosperity when its possessor was being paid $30 per week. Now, when the income was shrunk to $20, though, they were thinking seriously of contracting to a modest and unassuming D. But whenever Mr. James Dillingham Young came home and reached his flat above he was called “Jim” and greatly hugged by Mrs. James Dillingham Young, already introduced to you as Della. Which is all very good.

Della finished her cry and attended to her cheeks with the powder rag. She stood by the window and looked out dully at a gray cat walking a gray fence in a gray backyard. Tomorrow would be Christmas Day, and she had only $1.87 with which to buy Jim a present. She had been saving every penny she could for months, with this result. Twenty dollars a week doesn’t go far. Expenses had been greater than she had calculated. They always are. Only $1.87 to buy a present for Jim. Her Jim. Many a happy hour she had spent planning for something nice for him. Something fine and rare and sterling—something just a little bit near to being worthy of the honor of being owned by Jim.

There was a pier glass between the windows of the room. Perhaps you have seen a pier glass in an $8 flat. A very thin and very agile person may, by observing his reflection in a rapid sequence of longitudinal strips, obtain a fairly accurate conception of his looks. Della, being slender, had mastered the art.

Suddenly she whirled from the window and stood before the glass. Her eyes were shining brilliantly, but her face had lost its color within twenty seconds. Rapidly she pulled down her hair and let it fall to its full length.

Now, there were two possessions of the James Dillingham Youngs in which they both took a mighty pride. One was Jim’s gold watch that had been his father’s and his grandfather’s. The other was Della’s hair. Had the queen of Sheba lived in the flat across the airshaft, Della would have let her hair hang out the window some day to dry just to depreciate Her Majesty’s jewels and gifts. Had King Solomon been the janitor, with all his treasures piled up in the basement, Jim would have pulled out his watch every time he passed, just to see him pluck at his beard from envy.

So now Della’s beautiful hair fell about her rippling and shining like a cascade of brown waters. It reached below her knee and made itself almost a garment for her. And then she did it up again nervously and quickly. Once she faltered for a minute and stood still while a tear or two splashed on the worn red carpet.

On went her old brown jacket; on went her old brown hat. With a whirl of skirts and with the brilliant sparkle still in her eyes, she fluttered out the door and down the stairs to the street.

Where she stopped the sign read: “Mme. Sofronie. Hair Goods of All Kinds.” One flight up Della ran, and collected herself, panting. Madame, large, too white, chilly, hardly looked the “Sofronie.”

“Will you buy my hair?” asked Della.

“I buy hair,” said Madame. “Take yer hat off and let’s have a sight at the looks of it.”

Down rippled the brown cascade.

“Twenty dollars,” said Madame, lifting the mass with a practised hand.

“Give it to me quick,” said Della.

Oh, and the next two hours tripped by on rosy wings. Forget the hashed metaphor. She was ransacking the stores for Jim’s present.

She found it at last. It surely had been made for Jim and no one else. There was no other like it in any of the stores, and she had turned all of them inside out. It was a platinum fob chain simple and chaste in design, properly proclaiming its value by substance alone and not by meretricious ornamentation—as all good things should do. It was even worthy of The Watch. As soon as she saw it she knew that it must be Jim’s. It was like him. Quietness and value—the description applied to both. Twenty-one dollars they took from her for it, and she hurried home with the 87 cents. With that chain on his watch Jim might be properly anxious about the time in any company. Grand as the watch was, he sometimes looked at it on the sly on account of the old leather strap that he used in place of a chain.

When Della reached home her intoxication gave way a little to prudence and reason. She got out her curling irons and lighted the gas and went to work repairing the ravages made by generosity added to love. Which is always a tremendous task, dear friends—a mammoth task.

Within forty minutes her head was covered with tiny, close-lying curls that made her look wonderfully like a truant schoolboy. She looked at her reflection in the mirror long, carefully, and critically.

“If Jim doesn’t kill me,” she said to herself, “before he takes a second look at me, he’ll say I look like a Coney Island chorus girl. But what could I do—oh! what could I do with a dollar and eighty-seven cents?”

At 7 o’clock the coffee was made and the frying-pan was on the back of the stove hot and ready to cook the chops.

Jim was never late. Della doubled the fob chain in her hand and sat on the corner of the table near the door that he always entered. Then she heard his step on the stair away down on the first flight, and she turned white for just a moment. She had a habit of saying a little silent prayer about the simplest everyday things, and now she whispered: “Please God, make him think I am still pretty.”

The door opened and Jim stepped in and closed it. He looked thin and very serious. Poor fellow, he was only twenty-two—and to be burdened with a family! He needed a new overcoat and he was without gloves.

Jim stopped inside the door, as immovable as a setter at the scent of quail. His eyes were fixed upon Della, and there was an expression in them that she could not read, and it terrified her. It was not anger, nor surprise, nor disapproval, nor horror, nor any of the sentiments that she had been prepared for. He simply stared at her fixedly with that peculiar expression on his face.

Della wriggled off the table and went for him.

“Jim, darling,” she cried, “don’t look at me that way. I had my hair cut off and sold because I couldn’t have lived through Christmas without giving you a present. It’ll grow out again—you won’t mind, will you? I just had to do it. My hair grows awfully fast. Say ‘Merry Christmas!’ Jim, and let’s be happy. You don’t know what a nice—what a beautiful, nice gift I’ve got for you.”

“You’ve cut off your hair?” asked Jim, laboriously, as if he had not arrived at that patent fact yet even after the hardest mental labor.

“Cut it off and sold it,” said Della. “Don’t you like me just as well, anyhow? I’m me without my hair, ain’t I?”

Jim looked about the room curiously.

“You say your hair is gone?” he said, with an air almost of idiocy.

“You needn’t look for it,” said Della. “It’s sold, I tell you—sold and gone, too. It’s Christmas Eve, boy. Be good to me, for it went for you. Maybe the hairs of my head were numbered,” she went on with sudden serious sweetness, “but nobody could ever count my love for you. Shall I put the chops on, Jim?”

Out of his trance Jim seemed quickly to wake. He enfolded his Della. For ten seconds let us regard with discreet scrutiny some inconsequential object in the other direction. Eight dollars a week or a million a year—what is the difference? A mathematician or a wit would give you the wrong answer. The magi brought valuable gifts, but that was not among them. This dark assertion will be illuminated later on.

Jim drew a package from his overcoat pocket and threw it upon the table.

“Don’t make any mistake, Dell,” he said, “about me. I don’t think there’s anything in the way of a haircut or a shave or a shampoo that could make me like my girl any less. But if you’ll unwrap that package you may see why you had me going a while at first.”

White fingers and nimble tore at the string and paper. And then an ecstatic scream of joy; and then, alas! a quick feminine change to hysterical tears and wails, necessitating the immediate employment of all the comforting powers of the lord of the flat.

For there lay The Combs—the set of combs, side and back, that Della had worshipped long in a Broadway window. Beautiful combs, pure tortoise shell, with jewelled rims—just the shade to wear in the beautiful vanished hair. They were expensive combs, she knew, and her heart had simply craved and yearned over them without the least hope of possession. And now, they were hers, but the tresses that should have adorned the coveted adornments were gone.

But she hugged them to her bosom, and at length she was able to look up with dim eyes and a smile and say: “My hair grows so fast, Jim!”

And then Della leaped up like a little singed cat and cried, “Oh, oh!”

Jim had not yet seen his beautiful present. She held it out to him eagerly upon her open palm. The dull precious metal seemed to flash with a reflection of her bright and ardent spirit.

“Isn’t it a dandy, Jim? I hunted all over town to find it. You’ll have to look at the time a hundred times a day now. Give me your watch. I want to see how it looks on it.”

Instead of obeying, Jim tumbled down on the couch and put his hands under the back of his head and smiled.

“Dell,” said he, “let’s put our Christmas presents away and keep ’em a while. They’re too nice to use just at present. I sold the watch to get the money to buy your combs. And now suppose you put the chops on.”

The magi, as you know, were wise men—wonderfully wise men—who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the magi.

A Key to a Long Marriage

My wife and I recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.  We have been reading John Piper’s book, “This Momentary Marriage” out loud to each other (which you can read for free here). We recently read chapter 4, which is entitled, “Forgiving and Forbearing.” We both agree that this is one of the most important facets to a long marriage. Piper writes, …

So husbands, sink your roots by faith into Christ through the gospel until you become a more merciful person. Wives, sink your roots by faith into Christ through the gospel until you become a more merciful person. And then treat each other out of this tender mercy with kindness. The battle is with our own unmerciful inner person. Fight that battle by faith, through the gospel, in prayer. Be stunned and broken and built up and made glad and merciful because you are chosen, holy, loved (p. 56).

The Goodness of Marriage

In the Biblical account of creation, there is an overwhelming testimony of how good it was. Six times in the creation account we read, “God saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:4, 9, 12, 18, 21, 25). When the creation was finished, the superlative was added, “God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31).

And yet, there was a point on the sixth day when things weren’t good. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” God then created the woman for the man. By the end of the day, all was “very good.”

The obvious conclusion is that marriage is a very good thing.

A Sweetener for Your Marriage

We have many sweeteners nowadays. We have Splenda and NutraSweet and Sweet’N Low, not to mention old fashioned Sugar. They help to make our food (or drink) more appetizing. Did you know that God has gives us a sweetener for our marriages.  It is called “mercy.”  Dave Harvey writes it better than I can.

Do you know God as a God of mercy?  Do you see your spouse as God sees him or her–through eyes of mercy?

If your answer to either question is no, it is unlikely that your marriage is sweet.  Mercy sweetens marriage. Where it is absent, two people flog one another over everything from failure to fix the faucet to phone bills. But where it is present, marriage grows sweeter and more delightful, even in the face of challenges, setbacks, and the persistent effects of our remaining sin.  (Dave Harvey, When Sinners Say I Do [Wapwollopen, PA:  Shepherd Press, 80]).